


I'll Be Beside You

by actually18pigeons



Series: Whumptober 2020 [9]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: "please no more", "take it out", Anxiety Attacks, Anxious Evan "Buck" Buckley, Buck in the hospital!, Eddie Diaz Takes Care of Evan "Buck" Buckley, Episode: s02e18 This Life We Choose, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Panic Attacks, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020, Worried Eddie Diaz, buddie, mentions of self harm, no.6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27095215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actually18pigeons/pseuds/actually18pigeons
Summary: Picks up at the end of 2x18, with Buck in the hospital, more focus on his anxiety about the injury, leading to a panic attack and Carla summoning Eddie. We're just going to pretend Ali doesn't exist in this one. Whumptober Prompt 6 - "take it out/please no more"
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Whumptober 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1941847
Comments: 15
Kudos: 104





	I'll Be Beside You

**Author's Note:**

> Ah man, this fandom has chased my writer's block away. I have 4 separate 911 hurt/comfort pieces in the works right now. Enjoy this one. Trigger warnings for a panic attack and non-graphic mentions of self-harm (hair pulling/scratching).

Carla had been sitting by Buck’s hospital bed for the past hour after pestering Eddie to go get something to eat in the cafeteria. She expected he’d be back soon, but she was happy to spend some time with her friend, though this may be the quietest time they've ever spent together. Waking started with a twitch of his fingers, quickly accompanied by movement behind his pale eyelids and a soft pained sound in his throat. 

She grabbed his hand where it lay on the bed between them as he continued to make quiet noises of distress, not unusual for one slowly emerging from anesthetic. So she held his hand and spoke quiet comforting words until his eyes cracked open, searching wildly before settling on her face. 

“Carla?” he whispered, throat scratchy from the intubation. 

“Yeah Buck, I’m here.” He relaxed slightly at this before trying and failing to push himself up. He settled for lying back against the pillows and Carla used the remote to adjust his bed so he could sit up. He looked around the hospital room with confused curiosity, still under the influence of heavy painkillers. She could see the exact moment when he noticed his leg. His eyes widened- breath hitching as he reached towards it.

“Okay, okay Buck, alright, you’re okay.” She grabbed his hand again, rubbing gently with her thumb. He met her eyes with horror written across his face. 

“What happened- the surgery.” He tried to pull his hand out of her grip, making a move to reach back towards his leg, but she held tight. 

“Well, you made it through, and you’re now the proud owner of one titanium rod and four beautifully cobalt chrome screws” The monitor next to him started beeping faster, his heart and breathing speeding up as he continued to stare at the plaster in horror. 

“Get it out- g-get it out,” the words came tumbling out of his mouth as he suddenly pulled his hand out of hers, reaching out to feel where the cast ended on his upper thigh. 

“Get what out?”

“The bar and- and the screw-screws, I don’t want them.”

“Buck, it’s gonna be temporary, you’ll get them out eventually, but you need to heal.” His head whipped towards her, betrayal flashing across his face. 

“I don’t want to heal! Take them out!” He yelled harshly, but the anger quickly faded replaced by fear. His breaths were coming in gasps, his free hand coming to grasp at the front of his hospital gown, his other hand began to come up too, but the IV pulls against his skin and he looks down in shock as if noticing it for the first time. His breaths were shallow bursts, hands shaking as he pulls at the hospital gown, before reaching towards the IV pulling at the tube. Carla grabbed both his hands then, holding them in one hand while she placed the other on his cheek, guiding his face to meet her eyes. Her heart broke at the tears pooling in his glassy blue eyes. 

“Hey Buck, it’s going to be okay. I know this is a lot, but you need to breathe, can you take a deep breath?” His hands wriggled in her hold, and he choked, coughing at the tightness in his chest.

“Need 'ddie” He whispered through the tears that quickly began to flow down his stubble-covered cheeks. 

“You need Eddie?” She grabbed her phone, quickly dialing Eddie as she watched Buck’s body shake with quiet sobs. 

He answered after one ring, “Eddie, he needs you—” 

“Be right there.” He interrupted her, hanging up, and three long minutes later an out of breath, slightly sweaty Eddie skidded into Buck’s doorway. 

“What’s wrong?” he stepped into the room, looking to Buck, taking in his trembling hands and the low keening sound coming from his abused throat, his eyes squeezed closed, tear tracks still fresh on his face. 

“He was asking for you.” Carla gently let go of Buck’s hands, stepping away from the bed to let Eddie take her place. He sat in her chair, scooting closer to Buck’s bed.

“Hey buddy, what’s up Buck?” But Buck stayed silent, opening his eyes to stare off into the distance, hands wandering back to his chest to start to pull lightly at his gown. Eddie looked lost.

“I’m not sure what you can do, he’s begging for the bar and screws to be taken out. I can’t tell why,” Carla spoke softly from the doorway. Eddie watched helplessly as Buck’s eyes wandered back to his cast, breath catching in his chest as he took in the sight again. His face fell, and Eddie reached out taking one of his hands. 

“Hey Buck, you’re okay. I’m here.”

Buck turned at the voice, quickly recognizing Eddie, his eyes filling with tears. 

“Eddie please fix it- you fix everything. Just take it out. You- you can do it.” His voice was heavy with tears and Eddie’s heart broke as he watched Buck’s face crumple with emotion, knowing there’s nothing he can do about it.

He muttered softly to Buck, any comforting words he could produce in the moment. But Buck didn’t seem to hear, his hands moving to his hair, the IV pulling on his hand as he tangled his fingers into his short curls and began pulling, pulling hard.

Immediately Eddie’s hands are on his, “Hey, hey don’t do that you’re okay, it’s gonna be okay.” But Buck didn’t seem to hear his words, his eyes were still fixed on his leg, nails scratching his scalp as he continued to pull. 

As the heart rate monitor began to beep loudly again a nurse stepped in, quickly scanning the room. Buck was breathing fast, panicking as he stared at his leg, his IV site was bleeding, the needle jostled as his hands tugged painfully in his hair. The man at his bedside was trying to calm him to no avail. 

“Sir, if he doesn’t calm down we’re going to have to sedate him.” She stepped closer, trying to give the man another chance to calm her patient before she had to intervene. 

“Hey Evan, you’re going to have to calm down before you hurt yourself.”

Buck moved to scratch at his face, nails catching and opening the scabs forming on his temple before he changed tactics and began clawing at the skin on his thigh where the cast ended. Eddie reached to grab his hands, stop their assault on his body, but Buck jerked away as he got close. 

“Buck you need to stop or they’re going to sedate you.”

“No! No, no more, please don’t- just take it out that’s all I want- take it off.” He attempted to sit up, wincing as his ribs protested. His fingers tried to wiggle into the space where the plaster met skin, the IV pulling out of his hand. 

The nurse stepped forward now, grabbing his hand, and making quick work of reinserting a clean needle into the crook of his arm, reconnecting the IV and running a sedative as Eddie murmured comforting words to his partner. Within seconds he was relaxing back into the pillows, breathing and heart rate slowing to normal. Eddie could only watch as the creases in his forehead began to smooth out and his hands relaxed. He held his hand tightly now, rubbing gentle circles over Buck’s knuckles. 

The nurse stepped back, “it will probably begin to wear off again within the hour, but if he keeps trying to hurt himself we will need to restrain him, his body has been through enough.”

Eddie thanked her quietly before turning back to his partner, taking in his serene face, knowing it was only a matter of time before they both had to deal with reality again. 

Carla stepped out of the doorway, “I’ll leave you and your boy alone for a while, call if you need me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda want to write a second chapter where this kinda happens again, with Buck waking up with Eddie there and forgetting the previous encounter and panicking again but I'm not too sure. Thoughts? Other directions this could go?


End file.
